My Connections to Play

Happy Friday friends!

After a long work week working with the kiddos, I just want to "play" by getting into my favorite pajamas, firing up Netflix, and sipping sangria with my hubby.

Speaking of play, our topic this week has been all about childhood play and how important it is in terms of development. We established that play is essential in developing social, physical, and cognitive skills in children while also learning that play has different variations and cultural backgrounds.

Growing up, play was different for me than some of my peers. I grew up on Chicago's south side and didnt live in the best of neighborhoods. Running around outside in grassy fields ans meadows is uncommon for me while playing kickball with my friends was something I never heard off until middle-school.

Play for me was double-dutch on the street until the street lights came on, block party dance contest to Chicago juke music, and Saturday night skate parties at "The Rink" with my friends.

Due to the area of my upbringing, I wasnt allowed outside much and going to a neighborhood park was not common unless it was the one downtown where it was safe- and that was every so often.  When I was outside, I socialized with my friends from school and my block; jumping double dutch and slurping on bomb pop popscicles for $1 while the boys played basketball at the court across the street fron us.

Play is different than it was when I was a child because it is very technology driven. Children arent encouraged to go out and be active anymore and are more interested in their mobile devices and electronics than getting dirty and sweaty in the summer heat. When I was younger, my mother would force me out the house just to get active and "be social".

I had family and friends support me during my play as it was engrained into my culture and background upbringing. Soing much od anything else would deviate from the social norms at the time. As an adult, I apprecoate ny mother encouraging me to branch out and become social with other young ladies because I could sometimes be a loner. My mother was concerned with my social development and felt outside interaction and play would create friendships- which they did.

If I could pick two quotes to describe my childhood play they would be:

"Hey Chanel (Yeah?)...Are you ready (For What?)....To Jig (Jig what?)....JIGALO"- Childhood Game Lyrics

"Be back in this house before them street lights come on!" - Black mothers in America

Relationship Reflection

Happy Saturday everyone :)

I intentionally chose to wait until today to write my blog because of the nature of today's discussion topic and blog.

This week we spoke on relationships and partnerships within the earlychildhood profession. I have still relatively new to the early childhood profession and have adjusted quite well. However, the knowledge of the importance of creating and maintaining healthy relationships is something I never truly understood or necessarily considered until I became a pre-school/toddler teacher.

As an educator, of course I always aimed to have an amazing rapport and relationship with both my students and parents. However, it was not until I entered early childhood that I realized that the impact of these relationships shape the overall development of a child in more ways that I previously thought.

So, it is only befitting to reflect on my relationships and how I have developed from them over the years. I initially wanted to do my mother and my father-figure, my uncle; but decided against it because of ywo things. 1) I felt it was a bit typical and cliche and 2) The past 2 1/2 years of my life I have developed and prospered more as a woman and as a person courtesy of two amazing souls.

My Fiancee, Husband-to-be on September 3rd,2017- Stephan Dilworth

I love this man to the moon and back. He is literally my foundation and my solace. Met him back in Jan 2015 and been inseparable since. He is the yin to my yang. I am a fiery, hot tempered, impulsive soul and he is a kind, gentle, level-headed spirit that balances my fire with his coolness of encompassing my entire being into tranquility. (fun fact: he is a earth sign and I'm a fire sign)

We have a relationship that is of course romantic but also friendship. We help build each other up, encourage one another, and find the best in each other while acknowledging our worst flaws as imperfect perfections. He balances me and I balance him- both using our unique strengths to overcome our weaknesses.

We also maintain a partnership. An example would be for our home life. My hubby only has a high school diploma and I am obtaining my Masters. I am the primary breadwinner but know that my man is the hesd if our home. I make the most but what I make goes towards savings and expenses such as date night excusrions and vacations, etc.; my hunny would spend every dime of his check to maintain our home.

In other words, he is the foundation that holds our house afloat and I maintain what goes in it. Our partnership allows for us to feed off our relationship skills of communication, understanding, and patience.

My Hubby and I :)

 Last person that has helped how I view and grown with relationships and partnerships is my son, my angel, my rock- Isaac Henry Taylor Dilworth

Today is actually his birthday (which is why I chose today to write the blog).

My son would have made one years old today. He was born at 24+6 weeks on May 20th, 2016 at 9:49pm. My son lived on this earth for ten days and passed away May 30th, 2016, on Memorial Day.

My son taught me a lesson in ten days that some people take a lifetime to learn. Long story short, my son passed away due to contracting E Coli from my digestive tract during utero. It was revealed I have ESBL and the next time I become pregnant, I have to be on antibiotics to protect my child.

My relationship with my son taught me how to be a blessing to others and how to truly love another human being. Of course we love our spouses and parents, but we rarely experience a love where our life's mission and purpose becomes entrenched into making another person (or people) happy. I experienced that with my son and through that relationship, I decided to go into early childhood education and begin to form my non-profit that helps at-risk mother's have equitable resources to a healthy, viable pregnancy- Isaac's Purpose.

Through these relationships, I have learned valuable tools of communication and understanding that I take into my own professional life inside my classroom with my students and their families while also using it personally, to better myself and how I interact with loved ones.

Your daily interactions with your students and their parents leave a lasting imprint on their spirit as to your personality and who you are as a human being. Being conscious of our daily interactions with our youth and their families is a great way to start and be mindful of how important it is to build and maintain healthy relationships within our profession.


              My son, my pride and joy- Isaac

Thank you!

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world"- Nelson Mandela

As Nelson Mandela eloquently quoted, education is a powerful weapon which we as educators are arming the next generation to use. These young minds that come with kissable cheeks, runny nose, and boundless amounts of smiles and giggles will eventually transform into the men and women that will make important decisions for themselves, their community, and possibly the world.



I enjoyed this education course with Dr. Horton and the rest of my colleagues. Your blog posts and discussion sections have been thought-provoking and insightful. I wish each and everyone of you the best in your professions and to keep in mind of the impact our prescense has on our children.

Have a great summer and rest of the school year!

To test or not to test....That is the question

Good Morning lovelies! Happy Good Friday!

Hope everyone had an amazing week
 The discussion about redefining disability has been quite the good one as well as the conversations that has branched from it.

For today's blog post, the controversial topic of standardized testing is posed.

"Should WE test children?"

When I say WE, I mean us as a society- a cukture. We have normalized testing to where we do it in everyday situations. As a Pre-School teacher, I find myself "testing" my kids on if they were listening to me or not by asking them to repeat my directions in the order I gave them. A mother may "test"  her child by doing an intentional act that measures the accountability of her child. Society put it's people to a "test" once they reach a certain threshold to see if they can measure up to great amount of success.

Overall, testing is pretty normalized. In terms of education, I feel it is double-edged sword. As an educator that has worked with all age groups with varying degrees of intelligence, I do feel testing is a productive way to measure where a student is at currently and see what can be improved to keep them on grade level-if not excel beyond it.

However, as a Pre-School teacher in one of Chicago's more affluent areas, I see first hand the education disparities of the children I work with to the children I identify with. I don't need to work in Lincoln Park to know my city's segregation is at the expenses of Black and Brown children's education; I grew up in that reality. However, being an educator myself has given me different perspective that does not come from my own personal narrative.

My students are 4 years old and know words like "irreconcilable", "hostile", perplexed" and "microscopic". However, my seventh graders from Auburn-Gresham (with the exception of a handful), couldn't even spell these words....Let alone use them in a sentence.

Putting all children from all backgrounds to the same test when we as a culture and as a country do not provide the same resources to succeed in a equitable way is unjust and cruel to these children. Children are answering the same questions on material they may not have been taught due to their school climate and are put to the same grading scale as other schools that have over 70% of their school population at or above grade level.

I do feel testing is a means for measuring where a student is, but should not be the definite measuring tool or method to obtain information on a child's intellectual develoment.

When I taught ESL in China, students in fifth grade were gearing up for a test similar to what we have in the states for ACT/SAT. The GaoKao is their national equivalent and much harder; with much more emphasis on individual achievement being a predictor on overall individual outcome for the future. Students must choose between a hard-science track with a focus on physics, chemistry, etc. Or a soft-science track such as education, humanities, social-science. These students choose this track their first year of high-school and begin studying for that track from that point forward. There is no switching tracks and only courses within that chosen track are offered to that student.

Students are tested the end of their senior year and based on their scores, it is decided which schools they can be accepted into and what careers they may entertain. Unlike in America, there is no "redemption" of yourself if you fail this test. There is no community college and future acceptance into a four-year university. This test has been criticized because it puts much pressure, stress, and anxiety in young children while forcing them to choose a career path they have yet to explore, let alone fully know about because they barely know themselves.

While I see benefits of testing, I feel alternative methods should be used to counterbalance the sole reliance of testing so we as a culture can move forward towards better Education and standards.

My childhood

Good Morning lovelies!

I hope this week went well for everyone and your weekends are starting off well.

This week is all about our enviornments and their impact on our physical, mental, and emotional health- biosocial and psychosocial. As we have discussed all this week, a child's development is greatly dependent on his/her enviornment and experiences. To paraphrase Harvard researchers, the brain is built from bottom to top and a child's personal experiences help shape their schema's and build nueral connections and pathways.

With that being said, stressors and factors that impacted my childhood were chaos and poverty. I was born and raised on Chicago's South side to single-mother. I'm the oldest of four but more like a second mother than anything to my siblings. My father decided that I was too much to handle and decided a family was something he was not interested in. My other three siblings have a different father from myself- him also leaving after my mother's marriage ended to him.

My mother was always the primary breadwinner while my step-father used his masculinity to control and dominate my family until the marriage ended. My mother had stepped out on faith and decided to start her on transportation service when I was five because she wanted to alleviate the fear of other mother's sending their children out to school in crime-ridden Chicago. My step-father never supported her and always fought her about going against the grain, dreaming big aspirations, and-most importantly- not staying in a woman's place by being as strong-willed, determined, and fearless as she was.

I have only seen my mother move mountains and part oceans throughout my childhood. Most children's childhood smells involve fresh baked cookies and dirt from playing outside; mine involves the smell of diesel fuel from gas trips to Indiana and McDonald's Happy meals because my mother was too tired to cook after working fifteen hours a day.

We struggled for awhile due to her new company being a startup business in a low-income neighborhood. Lights, gas, heat, and water were turned off so much that we made games for them when they were and learned how to survive without them. There were times were food was scarce and non-existent; my siblings and I wondering how in the hell our mother made a full course meal that tasted DELICIOUS out of ramen noodles, frozen "chicken slivers", dried fruit, and miscellaneous cans of beans from the back of our dusty pantry.

I was forced to grow up by age eight; when my brother was four and I began babysitting more and more often. Most of the kids from the neighborhood played outside after school or went to the park on weekends with family and friends.  I came home after school and fed "the kids" while helping them with their homework and on weekends, I would watch my brother for hours alone while my mother went to work on our family businesses  with my step father disappearing regularly.

By ten, I knew how to cook full meals, clean and disinfect the entire house, fix minor damage to the house , change a diaper in two minutes flat, and pay overdue or late bills over the phone using my "Emily" voice. I was a miniture adult that had been shortchanged a childhood.

My mother and stepfather also argued daily at some point. They argued so much that I began to normalize it and didn't recognize when it would escalate to violence because it was so common. Common, in fact, that I thought it was a common form of expression of love in my own personal relationships.

I didn't realize I had negative effects of my childhood until recently when I lost my son and engaged in psychotherapy. I figured my childhood had only made me thick-skinned and gave me a perspective of not letting anything stand as an obstacle between me and my goals. However, once I engaged in therapy, I realized my childhood- despite the wonderful moments that I had sprinkled in during those years- had a negative impact on how I view a healthy relationship between partners, I have developed a sense of apathy towards others, and I do not know how to properly express my emotions as times.

As a child, I was exposed to a world that forced to me assimilate- an adult world where there was no filter of what was reality. My mom was very transparent with me from day one. I knew everything from finances to their struggling marriage. From this, I was unable to form and develop basic childhood experiences that would foster development of my adult ones.

This would explain why I am a twenty-five year old that enjoys playing with bubbles and chalk in her spare time.

However, I don't regret anything in my childhood because I know it was literally the best my mother could have given me at the time and she did it mostly on her own.

Another part of the world that I would love to know more about would be the childhood of children in China and how they manage to be happy and survive in a damaging political and social climate while experiencing high levels of air pollution.  When I taught in China, I was taken aback how anyone would live in a country where the air can literally kill them if exposed to it for extended moments of time. Wearing a face mask everyday to work was abnormal to me yet it was treated like a fashion accessory from the natives. Government crackdown on pollution from manufacturing was non-existent and regulations that would keep people from getting I'll from drinking and eating contaminated water and food were simply suggestions.

Also, certain minority populations in China were harrassed daily- Muslim- and often threatened with death. Women are still seen as second-class to some degree while a state test determines your future; high rates of suicide and anxiety amongst children out of fear of failure.

Therapy is something that is not talked about, let alone suggested and tea is a cure for all-including social situations.

I would love to see my students five to ten years from now to see how and who they become based on their childhood experiences and if there would be anything they would have liked to have been done differently.

Overall, childhood is a miraculous period of life for everyone but it varies from person to person. Keeping that in mind would allow educators to remain cognisant that each child they encounter as experienced a different narrative than their own and to be sensitive of that in how they are treated.

I am NOT just a mother

Good Morning lovelies :)

Happy weekend to everyone and I hope everyone had a fantastic week. This week, we had discussions concerning how multi-contextual and interdisciplinary.

Since I am a mother that experienced this personally, I chose to discuss how mental health of a mother can affect the quality and care of the child and their families. I suffer from depression after the passing of my son. As a Black woman, mental illness is something not talked about within our community and if it is brought up, "church can fix it".

When I was diagnosed with depression, I was in denial. I was a "strong Black woman" that worked hard, was independent, and could handle anything life threw in my direction. I emulated the women around me, the women that raised me; so how could I get depression when countless of women before me endured just as much pain as I but have not buckled?

I had to let go of my complex of being this "strong Black woman" because it was not a rose-colored compliment but an insult to the feminity and fragility of my womanhood as a Black woman. Black women are often "forced" to be strong because we have no other choice but to be. We often are the sole providers for those around us and work hard inside and outside our home for the comfort of ourselves and others- often times in unsafe spaces that damage our mental state due to social norms and social oppression.

But outside of that, I experienced a the loss of a child. I lost my first.and only child after experiencing a traumatic birth. It was something that I thought I could get over if I prayed, listened to Gospel songs, and pushed in the back of my mind; and for awhile it worked. Working 60-80 hours a weeks became a distraction for some time but it eventually impacted my work to where I had a mental breakdown over something as small as tearing tape.

My family even saw drastic changes in me
. I lost weight, wasn't eating, was not my "bubbly, outgoing" self , was more reserved at family functions, and often would stare into space in mid-conversation. I knew something was not right when I had unnatural thoughts of intentionally ending my life to see my son again.

I finally sought out help and entered therapy. Surprisingly, it was not what I thought it would be as what is portrayed in the media. My therapist was so sweet, kind, and understanding. She didn't pry intly answer if I didn't want her to, and she allows me to discuss my feelings in detail dating from distress from childhood.

She even runs group therapy for women that lost their children in either miscarriage, stillborn, or death after birth- like myself. I attend every month and it is truly helpful. I get to meet women who are going through what I am going through or have been through it. I hear their testimony and hear how they often felt the same way I felt. From my solo and group therapy lessons, I have learned that it's OK to be weak because it shows I am human.

Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. As a woman and a mother, my first thoughts even before my son was born was to make sure he would never want for anything. I was only concerned about him, not me. Although a mother should always care and love her child, the child should not always be top priority. By that, I mean self-care and self-love are needed in order to maintain a healthy rationship between mother and baby and that requires small little "me"moments.

Getting a manicure or a massage is something that could rejuvenate the mind, body, and spirit and that allows the mother to be able to give more of herself to her child without overexertion.

In The United States, we are consciously aware of mental illness, but we aren't actively in progression of assuring mental health services are a) funded  b) accessible to all indivuals and families  c) fully staffed in our most vulnerable places and  d) destigmatized. Many women are evaluated during their in-house stay for any signs of mental illness after the birth of their child and their six-week check up. However, not much follow up is done after that-in which is why my depression was diagnosed almost five months later.

In contrast, Japan does not address nor fundmental health in their country. The issue of mental health is considered "taboo" and often unspoken. There are mental health physicians that are scatted across the country in some accessible towns, but the prices could be very costly. "Succumbing to mental illness" is seen as a form of laziness and/or weakness and plays against your work ethic.

Compared to countries like Japan, The United States is fairly progressive in terms of accepting mental illnesses, but lack of research in vulnerable populations, accessibility, and funding for mental health programs are setting progress back for many.

It is imperative that mother's seek out counseling for any type of mental illness they have or they may develop; but mostly importantly, take time to themselves!

My son is and always will be my world. My fiancee and I are trying to conceive again in the near future to give Isaac a little brother or sister. However, I will do things differently starting with taking time to take care of myself. I cannot give my love to my children if I cannot give love to mysf first.

10 days of happiness

Good Morning friends :) We are in a new class for the next eight weeks with Professor Horton and thus far, I am thoroughly enjoying the course.  This is by far one of my favorite and hardest blogs to write because it involves my personal birth story of my son, Isaac.

I am the PROUD mother to an angel in heaven,my guardian angel- Isaac Henry Taylor Dilworth.

My son is and always be my biggest accomplishment. I have birth May 20th, 2016 at 9:49pm from emergency c-section. My son was 24+6 weeks and extremely premature. I had severe preeclampsia with blood pressure 278/190 and higher and medication was not helping at all. My body was close to breaking down and suffering from seizures and stroke.

I was admitted three days before my son was born, May 17th, 2016, because my blood pressure and the doctors that cared for me wanted to keep my son in longer but were unable out of fear of the placenta ripping from me due to my blood pressure.

Everything happened so fast and I barely remember anything. I was put under general anesthesia for my C-section and I remember waking up to my family and my fiancee congratulating me on my birth.

The staff took care of me and my son very well. I often fought with the staff because I was on bed rest majority of the time and I wasn't supposed to see my son. (They knew that wasn't going to work. The devil in hell couldn't keep me from my son)

He, unfortunately, got very sick halfway through his stay from a bacterial infection that attacks his underdeveloped lungs. On May 30th, 2016, my son passed away at 11:55am in my arms as I held him for the first time. I replay that day in my mind every day over and over again so I would never forget how my son looks, feels, smells, or how he looked at me for the first time in my eyes and with his dying breaths smiled at his mother.

My birth was traumatic due to circumstances but the care I recieved was phenomenal. The NICU team worked over time on my son and because of them, I have momentos that I otherwise would not have like his foot prints, crochet hats and blankets that he was laid in, his name that was written in green glitter in his incubator, etc.

Also, the social work office was a gift from GOD HIMSELF. Mary- Ann Fontana was an angel in disguise the day she came to my to to invite me to scrapbook night. I was not going to go because I felt lethargic and just wanted sleep but something told me to muster up strength and go. Mary-Ann took photos of my son, the only photos that I have of him living, and helped me and.my fiancee create a scrapbook of our son. Three days after scrapbook night, my son passed away.

As far as my care in The United States compared to another country, I chose France. I taught in France last spring from late February to early May for a spring language camp in Aurabelle, France ( close to Geroux- Les Bains) I was very close to giving birth in France if I stayed an extra four weeks so I decided to go home and skip the offer to teach for the summer sessions until August. ( My son was due September 3rd, 2016)

I LOVED the French healthcare system. I had almost half my monthly checks go to taxes but it was well worth it because my health care was top notch and FREE!

I had prenatal check ups every week to a local doctor in Marmand, the closest "major" city in the region I worked that my employer paid for, my medication that I took for my elevated blood pressure was less that five euros ($3-5 USD), I had a midwife come every three weeks I was there to check on me and my baby as well as give me information on birthing in France if I chose to, AND information on maternity leave and reimbursement to pregnancy related expenses if I stay in France for the entire duration of my pregnancy.

I loved how compared to the US, France seemed to care about the overall health and wellness of the mother and Child. I had great care at the hospital I gave birth in as well; however, I rarely saw my doctors after giving birth, I did not have anyone come see me concerning how to care for a newborn or information on breast feeding, and there were no post-natal follow ups or home care visits that I would have recieved if I was in France.

In retrospect, I would have given birth in France and flown my family out to see me. My employer already promised me employment once my maternity leave was complete and I had subsidized housing through my employer. Plus, my son could apply to have dual citizenship at eighteen!

Either way, May 20th was the best day of my life and whether in France or the US, I was met with doctors and support staff that showed true compassion and concern for me and my son.

I love you Isaac Henry Taylor Dilworth, always and forever.