I am NOT just a mother

Good Morning lovelies :)

Happy weekend to everyone and I hope everyone had a fantastic week. This week, we had discussions concerning how multi-contextual and interdisciplinary.

Since I am a mother that experienced this personally, I chose to discuss how mental health of a mother can affect the quality and care of the child and their families. I suffer from depression after the passing of my son. As a Black woman, mental illness is something not talked about within our community and if it is brought up, "church can fix it".

When I was diagnosed with depression, I was in denial. I was a "strong Black woman" that worked hard, was independent, and could handle anything life threw in my direction. I emulated the women around me, the women that raised me; so how could I get depression when countless of women before me endured just as much pain as I but have not buckled?

I had to let go of my complex of being this "strong Black woman" because it was not a rose-colored compliment but an insult to the feminity and fragility of my womanhood as a Black woman. Black women are often "forced" to be strong because we have no other choice but to be. We often are the sole providers for those around us and work hard inside and outside our home for the comfort of ourselves and others- often times in unsafe spaces that damage our mental state due to social norms and social oppression.

But outside of that, I experienced a the loss of a child. I lost my first.and only child after experiencing a traumatic birth. It was something that I thought I could get over if I prayed, listened to Gospel songs, and pushed in the back of my mind; and for awhile it worked. Working 60-80 hours a weeks became a distraction for some time but it eventually impacted my work to where I had a mental breakdown over something as small as tearing tape.

My family even saw drastic changes in me
. I lost weight, wasn't eating, was not my "bubbly, outgoing" self , was more reserved at family functions, and often would stare into space in mid-conversation. I knew something was not right when I had unnatural thoughts of intentionally ending my life to see my son again.

I finally sought out help and entered therapy. Surprisingly, it was not what I thought it would be as what is portrayed in the media. My therapist was so sweet, kind, and understanding. She didn't pry intly answer if I didn't want her to, and she allows me to discuss my feelings in detail dating from distress from childhood.

She even runs group therapy for women that lost their children in either miscarriage, stillborn, or death after birth- like myself. I attend every month and it is truly helpful. I get to meet women who are going through what I am going through or have been through it. I hear their testimony and hear how they often felt the same way I felt. From my solo and group therapy lessons, I have learned that it's OK to be weak because it shows I am human.

Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. As a woman and a mother, my first thoughts even before my son was born was to make sure he would never want for anything. I was only concerned about him, not me. Although a mother should always care and love her child, the child should not always be top priority. By that, I mean self-care and self-love are needed in order to maintain a healthy rationship between mother and baby and that requires small little "me"moments.

Getting a manicure or a massage is something that could rejuvenate the mind, body, and spirit and that allows the mother to be able to give more of herself to her child without overexertion.

In The United States, we are consciously aware of mental illness, but we aren't actively in progression of assuring mental health services are a) funded  b) accessible to all indivuals and families  c) fully staffed in our most vulnerable places and  d) destigmatized. Many women are evaluated during their in-house stay for any signs of mental illness after the birth of their child and their six-week check up. However, not much follow up is done after that-in which is why my depression was diagnosed almost five months later.

In contrast, Japan does not address nor fundmental health in their country. The issue of mental health is considered "taboo" and often unspoken. There are mental health physicians that are scatted across the country in some accessible towns, but the prices could be very costly. "Succumbing to mental illness" is seen as a form of laziness and/or weakness and plays against your work ethic.

Compared to countries like Japan, The United States is fairly progressive in terms of accepting mental illnesses, but lack of research in vulnerable populations, accessibility, and funding for mental health programs are setting progress back for many.

It is imperative that mother's seek out counseling for any type of mental illness they have or they may develop; but mostly importantly, take time to themselves!

My son is and always will be my world. My fiancee and I are trying to conceive again in the near future to give Isaac a little brother or sister. However, I will do things differently starting with taking time to take care of myself. I cannot give my love to my children if I cannot give love to mysf first.